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Your other half can, quite literally, become a diamond geezer...

Web Watch: 12 February 2008
Published each week in the Henley Standard

A matter of life and death...

by Jacqueline Alexander

There are some ideas that should never see the light of day. Take the pogo-copter, an ill-advised merger between the pogo stick and the helicopter. The word 'crash' should have been uppermost in the minds of the creators of this one and, somewhat predictably, was heavily involved in the results. Luckily, the invention died a death before anyone else did.

Another candidate has to be the airbag-underpants. I don't think these need any explanation but, if the idea of severe embarrassment seems more appealing than a few bruises, you may like to resurrect this somewhat questionable innovation. I am not sure where your target market would be but the current 'Dancing on Ice' competitors may be a good starting point.

Unfortunately, these two examples are just the tip of the iceberg. Even as I write, there are thousands of very bad ideas in development and I think I may be about to introduce you to another. When I first spotted Lifegem.com, it left me feeling more than a little uncomfortable. Actually, let's not soften the blow; it's a terrible idea. In fact, it's totally abhorrent.

Saying that, I may be wrong, it certainly wouldn't be the first time. You may think it's an inspired concept. You may even be reaching for your credit card before reading to the end of this article. Each to their own, I suppose.

Many of us have lost a loved one. Death is one of two certainties in life and, as such, we have all developed different ways of commemorating, celebrating or simply remembering the life of the person who has shuffled off this mortal coil. For some, it may be a lovingly tended grave with carefully chosen words and a beautiful array of flowers. Some plant a rose bush, a tree or a whole garden whilst others choose to disperse the ashes in a special location where memories come flooding back.

Lifegem.com offers you another alternative. You now have the opportunity to take the ashes of your loved one, extract the carbon from them, expose them to temperatures of over 3000 degrees centigrade, crush them, mould them, cut them and wear them. Yes, you can now wear your loved one as a fully paid up member of the diamond family. Your other half can, quite literally, become a diamond geezer.

The process is patented. The result is authenticated. Apparently, the Gemological Institute of America is used by the 'world's finest jewelers' but LifeGem is not one of those crazy American ideas. This innovation is the brainchild of a UK-based company - I suspect they thought that the idea would have a better chance of catching on across the pond, hence the US certification.

At this point, if you are visualising a rather fetching new pair of earrings and cursing your loved one for choosing burial over cremation, worry not, this company is nothing if not resourceful. Apparently, they can take a lock of hair and put it through the same process to give you the same result. The term 'there's a price on his head' suddenly takes on a whole new meaning although I am not sure what happens if your sadly departed did a great impression of Yul Brynner. I daren't ask.

The cost of your unique diamond is dependant on the quality of carat, not on the quality of person, apparently you can't tell a Cinderella from an ugly sister in the resulting gem. A 0.2 carat starts at a bargain price of Ł2,195 whilst a 0.9 carat will set you back a whopping Ł12,495 and, if you and Elizabeth Taylor are gem-pals, you will have to call to have your loved one valued.

Not everyone will agree with my viewpoint on this unusual service, in fact, the testimonials bear witness to a considerable level of support and gratitude. I don't want to offend anyone so, if you are happy with your LifeGem then I am happy for you. I need to go now - I suddenly have the urge to let everyone know that I have never harboured any desire to become a pair of cufflinks.

www.lifegem.com

Jacqueline Alexander presents Web Watch every Tuesday at 5.45pm on BBC Radio Berkshire on 104.1FM, 104.4FM, 95.4FM, 94.6FM and DAB Digital Radio. To listen in, just visit http://www.bbc.co.uk/berkshire.

What is Web Watch?

Web Watch is broadcast on BBC Radio Berkshire, published in the Henley and South Oxon Standard and published online right here at web-watch.info.

As a cross-media project, Web Watch is designed to help you find the best sites here on the Internet.

You can catch Web Watch on air every Tuesday at 5.45pm when Jacqueline Alexander sits down with Phil Kennedy during the Drivetime show on BBC Radio Berkshire to chew the virtual fat.