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Wouldn't it be good if there was a dictionary that gave us absolute definitions of our body language?
I am not so sure. If such a publication were freely available, everyone would be able to read between the lines. Lying would become a wholly futile pastime. Don't we all need to tell a white lie every now and then without fear of being found out? For starters, does my bum look big in this? is an obvious example of a timely moment to stretch the over-rated truth.
Despite this, we seem to have an unquenchable thirst for inside information. The sheer volume of books, CDs, videos and pricey one-day courses on the subject tell us just how huge the demand is. Our attempts to understand the secrets of body language have built an entire industry, a very lucrative one too.
Business is booming on the Internet too. There are literally thousands, and if I could be bothered to look further, probably millions of web sites dedicated to revealing the secret meanings of blinking, folding, twitching and fiddling.
Finding a site that will give you the information free of charge is a little trickier. This week, I have spent more time researching for Web Watch than ever before.
Despite some mass generalisations, Body Talk, part of the Channel 4 web site, does offer some interesting revelations.
Apparently, we are all on the verge of obsession when it comes to power. We want it and we want to know how to get it. We are told that you don't have to be genuinely superior, you just have to act it. If you want to know how, just take a look.
When it comes to selecting and attracting a partner, the advice veers from mildly informative to as plain as the nose on your face.
Imagine a man is on the look out for a woman. He is faced with a good-looking option or an obviously available option. Which does he choose? If you don't know the answer, believe me, it's not a body language web site you need. If you do know the answer but you come unstuck when it comes to knowing which signals show you are available and interested, then this is the site for you. Hair flicking, leg-crossing, pupil dilating and neck touching - all the signs are here in abundance.
I can't say I agree with all the content - especially when I am told that, as a single woman, I am looking for a man with a broad chest, a deep voice, a nice car, an iPod and a private jet! No mention of wit, intelligence, kindness or compassion. If the site is speaking for all women, I can only begin to imagine how many are living with a constant sense of disappointment.
With the secret signals behind power, flirting and mating all committed to memory, next on the agenda is how to spot a liar. I think we are all aware of the obvious signals: hiding the mouth, touching the nose, shifty eyes and beads of sweat on the brow are pretty reliable giveaways, aren't they? Maybe not, this site tells us that most liars give the game away by what they say rather than how they say it, or more interestingly, what they don't say. I'll leave you to find out the details.
Meanwhile, over on the Beeb, we have an exhaustive guide to flirting. We learn that fifty-five per cent of our impression of someone comes through their body language. Thirty-eight per cent is from the tone, speed and inflection of our voice and a mere seven per cent is from what we're actually saying!
There's a flirting triangle apparently, which was news to me. Mirroring, pointing, blinking and the real giveaway, the eyebrow flash - these are all healthy signs that you're on a home run, allegedly.
I am sure we all read many of these signals perfectly naturally, perhaps even instinctively. But can we fake it? Can we learn how to temper our body language to convey the right message. Yes, we can. Allegedly.
I have to say, I am terribly suspicious of this. Although we may be able to go through the motions and perform the tricks, surely anyone with an ounce of intuition will see through the mask, sense some discomfort or pick up on inconsistencies. We are told not. Practice makes perfect.
Personally, I am going to leave this to the experts. I like my body language au naturel - if I don't like someone, I don't mind them knowing and vice versa. At least you know where you stand, even if you are not sure exactly how!
Wouldn't it be good if there was a dictionary that gave us absolute definitions of our body language?
