It's only a number...
Find out exactly what is going on in the world... at a glance.
Gossip by any other name
Have a chat with the literary geniuses of our history... and find out all you ever wanted to know...
Photographic evidence
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Mum's the word
A gift to all mums for Mother's Day... with no calories!
Wake up in style
If you could invent the perfect way to wake up, this may just be it...
Mischief Making
Want to throw a custard pie at your least favourite MP or celebrity? Be my guest...
Zzzzzzzzz...
Join me and indulge yourself in the best National Something Day ever!
Whether you are a die-hard romantic or a cautious cynic, it's difficult to miss the hearts and flowers that are gracing every single high street of every single town right now. Unfortunately, even if you're not expecting to be swathed in romance this Wednesday, you cannot escape. In fact, I am sure the sea of red roses is bigger, brighter and thornier to the singletons of this world. It's the same law that applies when you are trying for a baby, suddenly every woman you see has a bump. When you diet, everyone is eating cake and, as Valentine's Day approaches, if you're single, everyone else's relationship looks rosy.
But we know that's not true. The grass is not greener and the roses are not redder. In fact, we're in the midst of national break-up season. According to Yahoo, there are more break-ups between December and February than at any other time of the year.
So, if you are in the first throes of romance, or expecting a dozen or two red roses, I am going to leave you to it - your road to romance is obviously paved with petals. If, on the other hand, you are facing the 14th with a glass of wine, a big sofa and another solo viewing of Pillow Talk, then Web Watch is on its white charger ready to save the day.
Your attempts at romance may have qualified you for the 'dating disasters directory' but maybe you're looking in the wrong place. Have you thought about having a big romance with a tall, dark, handsome beast with a strong body and good memory? No? Why on earth not?
For just £30, elephantfamily.org will organize your romance for you. No blind dates. No nerves. No fighting for the duvet. Just browse through the lonely tusks column offering a range of very charming, very big, witty and eloquent elephants!
Dargo, a Capricorn with a fine physique and weighing in at a mere 3,100 kg, has longing for quality in his life and promises to make you tremble. If you like the sound of this exceptionally romantic muddy friend, you can have a special photo of him for your bedside table, a string of love letters and, if you're quick, you'll even get a Valentine's Card.
If Dargo isn't your cup of tea, there's plenty of other elephants vying for your love. So, if you're fed up with being let down then why not go for someone renowned for having the best memory in the business. Never again will you have to wonder if your Valentine is going to forget you! I predict this relationship will stand the test of time.
Call: 020 7580 3184 between 9.30-5.30 Mon-Fri.
Note: 100% of monies raised go to the projects that care for the elephants.
