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Did you know?
Santa Claus is a woman. It's so obvious when you think about it. I am not sure how we could have thought otherwise? It makes complete sense.
Christmas is a warm, nurturing, emotional event that takes monumental organisational skills and a high level of multi-tasking to pull together. Is it really likely that a man could be responsible for this delicate and intricate balance?
I would love to claim that the thinking behind this theory is my own. It would be most satisfying to reveal that the midnight hour had blessed me with lucid thought and a moment of inspiration but, alas, this would be a lie. The theory belongs to an anonymous internet theorist. So many have been intrigued by the thoughts of this writer that the web site is currently unavailable as high levels of traffic have forced it to exceed the monthly quota. Luckily, I read the article in question just a few days ago so I can remember the evidence and share it with you. I can also leave out the points I disagreed with and add a few of my own justifications for this revelation.
Let's consider further evidence. With the geographic demands on Santa, he is bound to get lost every now and then. If he were a man, there is no way he would stop and asked for directions. Santa would be destined to roam the skies for evermore looking for the right chimney. Santa, the woman, on the other hand, would calmly stop, seek advice and be at the required destination in a flash.
A man can't pack. It's a woman's flare for organisation that would ensure that all the little children receive their gifts on time.
What about the attire? Do you know any men with a penchant for red velvet? Me neither.
How about a man who welcomes a description of his physique that includes the term 'bowlful of jelly'? All the more portly gentlemen I know are in complete denial, sucking the tummies in as if their lives depended on it when they cross paths with either a mirror or a young filly. They would not admit to their soft spots in a month of Sundays.
Santa doesn't measure up with other well known male mythical characters either. Old Father Time is unshaven and shows up just once a year. Definitely a man. Cupid, delights in pranks and carries a weapon. Undoubtedly a man. But Santa? She's all woman.
Finally, if I haven't yet convinced you that Mr Claus is in fact Mrs Claus, then consider the stockings. Do you know of any man with an interest in stockings without a woman inside them?
No? I rest my case.
Jacqueline Alexander
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