It's only a number...
Find out exactly what is going on in the world... at a glance.
Gossip by any other name
Have a chat with the literary geniuses of our history... and find out all you ever wanted to know...
Photographic evidence
Hands up everyone who has a computer full of great photos that are becoming resigned to their digital destiny... we have the solution!
Mum's the word
A gift to all mums for Mother's Day... with no calories!
Wake up in style
If you could invent the perfect way to wake up, this may just be it...
Mischief Making
Want to throw a custard pie at your least favourite MP or celebrity? Be my guest...
Zzzzzzzzz...
Join me and indulge yourself in the best National Something Day ever!
You are cordially invited to join me in a world where David Beckham is the president of the Steve McClaren fan club, Tony Blair and George Bush are in competition with the Chuckle Brothers for the title of The Worst Double Act Ever and Alexander Boris de Pfiffle Johnson, is MP for Cloud Cuckoo Land and a part-time zookeeper.
Having been made to laugh out loud whilst browsing through this week's Web Watch feature, I feel duty-bound to share it with you but, and this is a big but, please proceed with caution. Amongst the laughter, there will be groans, moans, tutting and a potentially bad case of eye-rolling. This site contains cursing, cussing and codswallop. And, I have to warn you, there is a definite risk of offence. But it is worth trolling through the chaff to find the wheat. Why? Because it makes you laugh. Out loud.
Earlier this week, having used the word 'wiki' in conversation and assumed it had made its way in to our everyday vocabulary, I was accused of 'making up words'. So, for those of you not living in my virtual world, the definition of a wiki is a collaborative website whose content can be edited by anyone who has access to it. A website created for the people, by the people.
Wikis sometimes have a team of editors working behind the scenes to maintain standards but, in the main, their content is self-policed. Numerous contributors who happen to be in the know can repeatedly edit the entries; a process that usually ensures the content is continually improving and expanding. Of course, this approach is vulnerable to abuse but errant entries are usually corrected very quickly which is lucky for Lorraine Kelly, who hadn't really died that day, and Henry Kelly, who has never owned a bouncy castle made of PVC leather.
Wikipedia is without doubt the most popular of the wikis and regularly features in the top ten most visited sites in the world. With approximately six million entries in 250 languages, 1.7 million of which are in English, this online encyclopedia is a force to be reckoned with. The vast majority of articles are a good and reliable source of information that inform, entertain and educate but there is a destructive element in the audience intent on providing an alternative version of the truth. To protect the good name of Wikipedia, the sometimes erudite, sometimes ignorant, wiki-vandals are, quite rightly, blacklisted and banished from contributing to the site.
But I have found out where they live.
Uncyclopedia.org is a land of misinformation and untruths that allows you to unleash your subversive tendencies and indulge your penchant for a non-PC form of humour. Everything is written by volunteers. Everything is untrue. Everything is funny. Actually, not everything is funny, but a lot is.
Apparently, according to Unclycopedia, Iran, currently best known for being a little over-protective of its H2O, has just announced it is releasing its own brand of bottled water. Concerned that oil reserves are running low, Iran is using its newfound worldwide fame as the launch pad for 'Iranian Water'. The product will be available just as soon as they have enough hostages to make up the numbers at the bottling plant.
Meanwhile, Victoria Beckham, having embarked on a new weight-loss programme, is reported to have disappeared completely. The images we see splashed across the tabloid press are, allegedly, a low-tech robotic replica. Scientists are said to be working hard to expand the robot's range of facial expressions - currently limited to pouting, scowling and looking adoringly in the direction of any man called David.
And shocking news has emerged from the Italian newswire, Ciaoverita. Several thousand people who were believed to have been missing and presumed dead have actually been eaten by Luciano Pavarotti. His diet is said to include such delicacies as Amelia Earhart, Lord Lucan and the former Australian Prime Minister, Harold Holt. He is also reported to have eaten a huge chunk of the Planet Pluto thus reducing its galactic status to that of a cosmic breast implant.
During your visit to Uncyclopedia.org, you may not always be sure if you should be laughing. And sometimes you won't laugh at all. But, if you don't like it, you can change it. And, if you don't want to change it, you can always visit the real Wikipedia to find out the truth. Unless one of those pesky little humourists have got there first, of course.
